I currently feel like a tiny little girl who has no control over anything. This week my family has suffered a blow to the core. My mom is staying at a friend's house and says she needs to 'find herself'. My papa is devestated. He is lost, hurt, confused, cautious and terrified. He didn't do anything. Mom isn't seeing someone else. They have led seperate lives with only us kids as the common denominator for many years now. This has been both of their faults for not trying hard enough or working hard enough on their relationship.
I am 23. I have my husband and baby girl. I have my own house in a different town. I can 'escape' this for a few minutes a day and just dive into my life. It may not last long but I have that option. I do have two younger siblings however. They are both still in school and live at home. How incredibly hard this has been on me, I can't imagine how much worse it must be to actually SEE it. I've heard the hurt in voices but they have watched the tears.
I may feel like a little girl in this situation, but my mother-instincts are on full alert watching for the slightest provocation to protect my siblings. It has been very civil so far because this is a difficult situation but one without a very obvious blame game. IF it turns into less than civil and it begins to affect them, I will step in. Right now, I'm there for everyone. My mom, my papa, my sister, my brother, my grandma....they all talk to me (well, my brother doesn't talk about it but that is him). I am an ear for all of them. It is a burden that I carry and have done so my whole life. It may not be fair, it certainly is not easy sometimes, but I thank God for my husband. He has been so silently supportive to me. He lets me break down, he holds me and loves me and without him, I honestly have no idea how I would be handling this. We are strong together and no matter the outcome in my family, life goes on and we will go on together.
Next week we have a heart surgery for his father. We will be with at the hospital to support his mom and to be there for his father. I am looking forward to having some great news of how well the surgery went and something wonderful to be able to dwell on.
With the health problems of his dad, the health issues my mom has (gal bladder surgery scheduled for later this April), massive sinus colds and sore throats hitting all of us (Chris, myself and finally my poor little Alyssa) and then my parents' new situation...I have been in a pretty dark place. Thank God for the candles that light my life everyday!
No comments:
Post a Comment